I’m Not Crazy; I’m a Christian
Kat Merrigan
A Winter Of Discontent
(This article first appeared in Calla Press http://callapress.com back in November 2022. Encourage you to visit their site and check them out on Instagram @callapressandkin Great values. Great content.)
If you ever studied Shakespeare in school, this title may sound familiar. It was inspired by Richard III. It came to mind as I was preparing this article. I’m not sure about you, but I have spent many winter days in a discontented state. I’m not a fan of bitterly cold weather littered with gray skies. And please do not get me started on the subject of snow! Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate its beauty and stillness as it drifts down, blanketing the landscape. There is a kind of innocence and purity to it. A gentle silence fills the crisp air as if nature itself has stopped to take in the view. But the next morning when I am confronted by 6 or more inches of the dreaded white stuff that I must shovel to engage with the world again, I am anything but calm or content. I try to convince myself it’s a good workout but to no avail. With each shovelful of snow, my body and spirit grow weary.
Some people wear snow pants; I wear cranky pants.
Wintertime can feel very isolating and lonely. We tend to withdraw and hunker down until the first signs of spring. When I used to work in an office, I often felt I never saw the sun. I would leave for work; it would just be rising. I might catch a glimpse or two of that beautiful, yellow ball during lunch. But by the time I was ready to head home, it was setting. I used to call us mole people. If I didn’t make plans that were taking place directly after work, it was highly unlikely I would be going out at all. Once I got home, that was it. There is no way I’m putting that heavy coat, scarf, hat, and gloves back on to go outside in the now even colder weather. See you in April. We can chat on the phone until then. Now excuse me while I go put on some flannel pajamas and crawl under the covers. Wake me up in three months. The bears got it right. Let the hibernation season commence!
It’s difficult when you don’t see the sun or feel its warmth for a while, isn’t it?
I remember as a child learning that the sun constantly goes through its cycles. Just because we don’t see it due to a cloudy or stormy sky doesn’t mean it’s not there. It rises and sets each day. I struggled to understand how that could be possible. How can such a powerful object seemingly disappear from view? Is it really there if I can’t see it or feel it? And what do I do with myself until I see it again?
Does that happen to you? If there are too many gloomy days strung together, do you find your mood turns gloomy too?
We need the sun. It gives both psychological and physical health benefits. One obvious example is that our bodies use sunlight to assist in the production of Vitamin D, a vital nutrient for our bones and health. We need the sun.
God created parallels between the natural and the spiritual.
Just as we need the sun, we need the Son. We profit from daily sunshine. It helps us in body, mind, and spirit. Isn’t the same true of a daily dose of the Son? But sometimes we can feel as if he’s very far away or not even there. Our hearts and minds may be clouded over with gray skies of thought preventing us from seeing him clearly, if at all. We’re dealing with a major storm of life. The Son seems distant, absent. We don’t feel his love. We may feel cold without his warmth shining down on us. If we stay too long in that place where our eyes are on the storm, and our thoughts are cloudy, we may begin to feel disconnected, discouraged, and discontented.
In nature, you have to wait for the sun to break through the clouds to see it, unless you’re in a plane. I find it fascinating how once the aircraft reaches a certain altitude, you see the sun in and through the clouds. On the ground one might say it’s a cloudy day. It may be raining or snowing. But from your seat, you see the sun. You can even feel its warmth as it streams through the window. In this example, which one of you is correct? You both are. At ground level the weather is unsettling, but up above it’s bright and sunny.
In those times when we feel that he is far away, perhaps we just need to elevate our position.
You know I brought receipts. (Unless otherwise indicated, all verses are from biblegateway.com, NIV, emphasis added.)
“…and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” (Ephesians 2:6, ESV)
One of the beautiful aspects of Christianity is God gave us his Word to help carry us through dark days. If you’re feeling in a winter of discontent, open up his Living Word.
Do you want to feel the Son? Elevate your perspective. Seek and get seated with him in high places. Make a daily commitment to spend time in his presence. I realize it may be easier said than done. We all lead busy lives. Scheduling time alone with God can be challenging. My suggestion: start small. Perhaps it means setting the alarm a few minutes earlier or not hitting the snooze button. Be kind to yourself. Set an achievable goal. Once you reach it, move forward. If at first, it’s only 5-10 minutes, that’s a good start. Do you know why? You started. You’re no longer just talking about it; you’re actually doing it. Dedicate each morning to welcoming and thanking him. Open the Bible and ask God to speak to you through it. He will because he loves you and he is faithful. Put on some praise and worship music, if you can. Fill your room, your heart, and your mind with thoughts of him. If you enjoy singing in the shower, let your songs be full of gratitude and praise.
You can and should check back in with him throughout the day but seeking him first thing in the morning sets the right tone. On days when I hit the ground running, I have little peace. It seems like everything works against me. I become irritable and easily agitated. But if I start by joining my church family at 5 a.m. (yikes) for prayer, I may still face a lot of adversity and struggle, but my heart and mind are prepared. My perspective is elevated. I’m not seeing the storm the same way anymore. My seat is high above the clouds. I see the Son.
Remember even when you can’t see or feel him, he is there.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6, ESV)
God is not a liar. Perhaps what you perceive as him being distant is an invitation for you to draw closer. Sometimes it is us who have moved away, not him. He will never reject or neglect you.
Let his name be the first and last words that come out of your mouth each day. A simple way is to say this as soon as your eyes open in the morning and just before they close at night:
Thank you, Lord.
That wasn’t so hard, was it? Start small, but please start now. I’m praying for you. I know you can do it.
Let the Son break through your clouds today and shine brightly over your life.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know. Stay above the clouds.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
The End Of Innocence?
Recently, my niece and her young son came to visit. I found myself fixated on him, not because he’s incredibly sweet, funny, smart and adorable (which he is), but more because of his carefree attitude. After his initial shyness wore off, he was showing us how many push-ups he can do (significantly more than me, that’s for sure). He was laughing, joking, and just having fun, pure, innocent fun.
Can you recall the last time you felt carefree?
Some of us never had that opportunity. Life came crashing in early on and we had to grow up quickly. Others, like me, were fortunate to live through a season where our biggest issue was whether Mom had washed our favorite shirt or not.
When we’re little, we shouldn’t have to worry or be anxious about anything. It should be a time of exploration, learning and wonder. Is there anything more pure and joyful than laughter from a small child? There’s something so precious watching them play in the snow, or seeing their eyes get big as they take in their first movie in a theater.
Their innocence and excitement can be contagious. As they open that one special gift they asked for, and they scream with delight, you find your own cynicism melting away. You tap into their wholesome energy and joyful spirit, if only for a few moments. It’s a wonderful feeling.
The good old days were real.
When I was growing up, there weren’t any cell phones, computers or social media. It wasn’t exactly medieval times, but technology was still in its relative infancy. I’m sure I sound like an old fogie, but I do believe we had it easier and, dare I say, better. Why? Because we didn’t have all these distractions at our fingertips. We spent more time with each other, not hunched over an electronic device. We played games together as a family. We got into spats playing games together as a family. Someone (usually me) would quit the game we were playing together as a family.
We lived outside. I remember Mom would basically usher us out of the house on beautiful days. It was too nice to be stuck inside in front of the TV all day. Sure, she may have had an ulterior motive and just wanted a few minutes peace from four crazy kids, but she was right nonetheless.
Obviously, everything wasn’t always perfect. I’m nostalgic but realistic. I know there were some hard times too. But I appreciate the fact that I was able to be a kid. I didn’t have to worry about serious matters. We didn’t have a 24-hour news cycle. We could be shielded from some of the ugliness of our world.
Are kids still kids?
Some may say kids are better off today because they’re more informed, more aware. I would argue that may be part of the problem. Our little ones are being exposed to subjects they can’t possibly really understand. They’re getting all this information thrown at them without them having the necessary coping skills to process it. Think about it. I know there are stories I see and read that concern me, and I’m a grown woman with 54 years on this planet. Now imagine those same stories in front of a 5-year-old. Suppose the story is about war or a violent crime. I can be troubled by it, but I’m old enough to think it through and handle my reaction. The 5-year-old doesn’t have the mental and emotional developmental skills to work through what they’re feeling. All they’re left with is feeling afraid. Over time, if those fears multiply, the child may end up feeling frequently anxious or even depressed.
Not every topic of conversation is appropriate for all ages.
“Go play. This is adult conversation.” We heard that phrase quite a bit when we were children. I resented it back then, but I get it now. The adults were trying to protect our innocence, preserve our sweet naivety for just a little while longer. They knew one day we’d be the adults at the table with the cares of the world on our shoulders. They didn’t want to burden us yet because they knew we were too young and might get crushed under the weight of it all. Our time would come soon enough. No need to rush it.
If you’ve ever read the Bible, you know God cares deeply for and about children. Don’t believe me? Great. You know I brought receipts. (Any and all verses, unless otherwise indicated, are from biblegateway.com, NIV, emphasis added.)
Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court. (Psalm 127:3-5)
Jesus embraced children. His heart was to bless and protect them always. Check this out:
People were bringing little children to Jesus for Him to place His hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, He was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And He took the children in His arms, placed His hands on them and blessed them. (Mark 10:13-16)
Did you know God wants us to be childlike in our faith and love for Him? Check this out:
He called a little child to Him and placed the child among them. And He said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” (Matthew 18:2-6)
If God wants us to be as little children, do you think He wants our kids to have their innocence stolen or stifled?
I’m sure I’m earning my Kat Controversy label with this article, and that’s OK. I’m willing to stand up for our little ones. I know I’m not alone. I pray you’ll stand with me as we protect our kids and safeguard their innocence. Less technology more family time. Less discussion of topics beyond their comprehension, more encouraging them to use their imagination, to dream, to wonder, to create. And maybe just maybe as we nurture and support their innocence, we might stir up our inner child to come out and play too.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye
This phrase is far more than the partial title of a famous song from Boyz II Men. It’s perhaps one of the most basic truths we encounter. Goodbyes can be rough. First, let me be clear, I’m not talking about the casual ‘byes we exchange with friends and family on a routine basis. I mean the ones that signify the end of something, or at the very least, a season of separation, of being apart. These goodbyes are typically more serious, packed with mixed emotions. Both parties may be excited for the changes coming but are still sad for the current ending. Then there are those goodbyes filled with sadness and loss. This last category is what I chose to focus on for this piece.
Unfortunately, I’ve had to attend some wakes recently. Though the individuals we were honoring were older and had lived good, full lives, it’s still sad. We who are left behind find ourselves wanting just one more day with the person. We don’t know how to say goodbye. It’s so hard.
Over the past few years, I lost several important people in my life, including my two parents. It felt like the hits just kept coming. I’d barely be recovering from one loss when another one would happen. I really can’t believe they’re gone. There are still times when I want to tell my Dad a crazy story or show something to my Mom. Gratefully, I was able to say my goodbyes to them, but it still wasn’t enough. In my opinion, it’s never enough.
Grief is a strange, shapeshifting creature.
In my first book, I included a chapter called Woulda Coulda Shoulda. A similar title could have been Gravesite Regret. When someone passes away, everything stops. We now have no way to change or improve our relationship with that person. We can’t tell them one more story or share one more memory. We can’t get clarity on any outstanding issues. We can still choose to forgive, but we can no longer seek forgiveness.
In this same chapter I covered how there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting barreling down a dark, self-destructive path is a great idea; it isn’t. But I don’t believe anyone gets to dictate how we should grieve or for how long. No two people may grieve the same way. I even notice I’m mourning my Dad’s passing differently from my Mom’s. They were both my parents. They were both loving and supportive, yet my grief for each of them is different. They were individuals and my relationship with each was unique. It makes sense, therefore, that I’d have separate, distinct expressions of my loss.
You can never predict when something might trigger your grief.
I don’t know how many times I started crying for no apparent reason. At first it was unsettling. I began to wonder if I might be losing it altogether. I’d be going about my day: in the car, at the store, any and everywhere and boom! The waterworks would start and I couldn’t stop them. Believe me, I tried. I came to realize I needed to just pray through it and ride it out.
Grief doesn’t know how to tell time.
I believe there are acute and chronic phases of grief, but no timetable is ever observed. There’s its initial invasion when the loss first happens and includes the days and weeks shortly thereafter. For some, it can be the most devastating phase, particularly if the loss was unexpected or sudden. For others, there may be business to attend to: making arrangements, hosting, possibly handling estate matters, etc. There’s no room for grief. There’s too much to be done, too many distractions.
Grief will not be ignored or denied for too long.
Whether we feel its impact right away or some time later, grief will make its presence known. Though I’m certainly not going to tell you how to grieve, my best advice is to make room for it when it shows up.
I would also suggest you try not to isolate. After the initial influx of people and support, things can get very quiet and lonely. People need to get back to their lives and routines. It’s not their fault, but then you may feel left to grieve alone. In those moments, please reach out to someone. If you can’t, please consider reaching out to God. He’s always there to take your call.
Will we ever see our lost loved ones again?
As a Christian, we are fortunate to have hope amid great loss and sorrow. I know I will see my loved ones again. I am certain of it. For believers, we see death as a transition from one plane of existence to another–from this life to the next. We believe we are spirit. Though our natural bodies perish, our spirit lives on. Our years spent on this planet are but a blink of an eye compared to the eternity that awaits us.
You know I brought receipts. (Any and all bible references, unless otherwise indicated, are from biblegateway.com NIV, emphasis added.)
And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. (1 John 5:11)
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die;” (John 11:25)
What these verses so powerfully demonstrate is how Jesus conquered the grave. His sacrificial death and resurrection offers us the opportunity for eternal life. All that is required of us is to accept the gift He gave. You doubt me? Great! Check this out:
“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:55-57)
My prayer to you, dear reader, is if you don’t know Him, let today be the day you do. If you do know Him and you’re struggling with grief and loss, my prayer is He would send His Comforter (the Holy Spirit) to help you navigate the rough seas.
But how can God understand my loss, my grief, my pain?
Jesus lived on this earth fully divine and fully human. He experienced every emotion and temptation we face. He did not give in to sin, but he was tempted. He felt everything, just as we do. You doubt me again? Great! Check this out:
He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. (Isaiah 53:3)
God knows what you’re going through. You don’t have to go through it alone.
As I mentioned earlier, I struggled but I am grateful. No matter what I faced (or will face), I have a Father in heaven who hears me, loves me and will always be there for me from now through eternity. And I have His promise that I will be reunited with my loved ones one fine day. May God’s love comfort you in every difficult situation and goodbye you face.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know. And please remember there is One who will never say goodbye to you.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
Pick Me! Pick Me!
I was recently reminded of elementary school gym class. (No, I wasn’t having a nightmare or some PTSD-like flashback, but I can see why you might think that.) As you may recall, the teacher would often choose two captains and then the rest of us would stand awkwardly in a line as they selected their teams. I don’t know about you, but I was not anyone’s first draft pick, or their second, third or fourth for that matter.
Whether we want to admit or not, we all want to be accepted. We all want to fit in somewhere. Even those of us who enjoy being alone want to know we have somewhere to go, people to be with, when we’re feeling so inclined. Everybody wants to belong.
What have you said or done to be accepted?
I’ve been known to become a chameleon and take on whatever appearance or attributes were necessary to get me in good stead with a certain person or group. Have you ever done that? I can recall many times at work where I’d laugh at a senior executive’s lame attempt at humor. I’d smile and nod my head as they rambled on about some insignificant point completely unrelated to the meeting’s agenda. In short, I’d play the role to keep the gig. I’d become what was necessary to keep me employed and, hopefully, promoted. Sure, I’d blow off steam after hours because it was hard pretending for so long, but I took comfort in the fact that when I was allowed to just do my work in peace, it was a great job.
I’m also not ashamed to admit that in my youth my low self-esteem and insecurities caused me to betray my true self in order to get or maintain a romantic relationship. Once again, I morphed into what I believed (or was being told) was how I should be. I played the role to get and keep the gig. I’d love to say I abandoned this folly as I grew older and wiser. I’d love to say that.
Don’t you get tired of trying so hard?
When you’re playing all these different roles, it can be exhausting. You start to lose touch with who you really are. For me, I began to resent Relationship Kat because she was needy and weak. I could rationalize Work Kat because she was paying the bills and wasn’t fully compromising her integrity. There was also Family Kat, not to be confused with Friend Kat. Friend Kat was probably my most authentic self. Family Kat was a close second, except she learned there were certain forbidden zones of conversation and interaction. Needless to say, she’d still end up dancing on a mine field or two at holiday gatherings.
Friend Kat is typically the one at the table asking everyone else how they are doing. She’s quick to deflect any intimate subjects away from her and back to someone else. But when it’s one-on-one or small group settings, she shares her heart. She’ll open up and be vulnerable. Most of the time she doesn’t regret it. Most of the time.
I met someone recently who embodies the chameleon mindset, so much so I began to wonder if he even knows who he is anymore. I’ve watched him become whatever he needs to be in any situation to try to get what he wants and be included. I’ve seen him compromise and flip-flop on almost every issue. I got so tired trying to keep up with his mental gymnastics routine. I’m not judging him. I remember all too well what it was like to juggle all these personalities and behaviors. It’s downright draining. In quiet moments, it’s also painful and lonely.
The fear of rejection can make us unrecognizable to ourselves.
I remember there came a point in my 20s when I couldn’t quite look myself in the mirror anymore. I was in a toxic relationship, not that I would ever admit it. I had a boyfriend. I was in love. I was going to make it work. I wanted to be chosen so desperately that I started losing myself. I changed my hair, my clothes, everything. When the relationship finally ended after two tumultuous years, I had to rediscover who I was. I’m sure that sounds melodramatic, but it’s true. I’d played a very specific role for so long; it was a hard habit to break. The scariest part was running into my ex with his new girlfriend a year or so later and seeing how he had made her look like me: similar hair and clothes. I made a hair appointment the very next day.
Do you have somewhere to go where you can be 100% yourself?
I’m talking about somewhere you can be at your lowest, feeling your worst, and not have to hide or disguise it. Do you have someone who really knows you and has seen you at your ugliest (and I don’t just mean when you first wake up with bed head)? Do you have a relationship with someone you know will never end no matter what you say or do? You might think that’s impossible because no one would stick around after (fill in the blank with whatever you think would make them leave) or if they knew you did (blank).
There is One who already accepted you and chose you on purpose.
The truth is even the best, most loving people can disappoint us. As humans we are fallible, and we will let one another down. So instead of changing ourselves just to fit in or putting unreal expectations on others, wouldn’t it be great if we had an assurance of complete, total love and acceptance?
Spoiler alert: WE DO!
You know I brought receipts. (Any and all bible verses, unless otherwise indicated, are from biblegateway.com NIV.)
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. (John 15:16)
For many are called, but few are chosen. (Matthew 22:14, ESV)
Now at first blush these verses may seem to contradict each other. I see it more as complementary. The Lord chose us from the beginning. His love is freely available to each and every one of us. This symbolizes being called. The offer is there. It’s always been there. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. You can’t buy it or act a certain way to obtain it. You don’t have to change anything about yourself to get it. It’s a free gift. The only way to possess it is to accept it. When we receive God’s love through Jesus Christ, we are part of His chosen. Sadly, many hear the call but few will answer. Few are chosen.
The call goes out every day to all the world. Will you answer it? Will today be the day you stop being a chameleon? Will today be the day you truly believe there is One who loves you no matter what you’ve done or will do. Will today be the day you realize you don’t need to become someone you’re not just to fit in because you’re already loved and accepted by the Creator of the whole universe? Will today be the day you say yes and rest in God’s love? It’s up to you.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know. And make today the day you join the real dream team.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
The Enemy Within
We’ve all probably heard the expression, “I’m my own worst enemy”. I’ve used it numerous times. In my case, it describes my tendency toward procrastination and self-sabotage. I don’t typically need any outside interference to block me from pursuing or achieving something. I’ve got that covered all by myself.
There’s a delicate balance we must find within ourselves. Some are far too critical of their shortcomings. Others are bloated with hubris and blind to their flaws. Some (like me) overthink everything: decisions, conversations, menu options at the diner! Others seem to run on autopilot. Some assume the blame or responsibility for any and everything. Others haven’t held themselves accountable in decades. We should always be kind to ourselves. As I’ve written before, we’re stuck with us for the duration. We’ve got to make this one relationship work, especially if we hope to have any healthy ones outside of it. This would seem to require a perfect blend of tough love and a firm hand mixed with compassion and a warm hug. It’s not easy. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve seen lately is to train your self-talk to sound more like what you’d say to someone you care about: a family member, friend or loved one. I like that idea and am trying to implement it in my daily life. It’s hard to deprogram myself from being so negative and critical, but I’m working on it.
Being from the faith-based community, we use the term the enemy to describe the devil or Satan. Over the years, I’ve noticed some people spend a lot of energy on him. As soon as they encounter any opposition or problem, they immediately default to, “It’s the devil. It’s the enemy. Yup, he’s not happy with what I’m trying to do.” They take whatever hiccup has occurred as a negative confirmation. Whatever they’re attempting is now most definitely from God. The enemy is scared of how effective it will be which is why he’s pulling stunts to try and stop it.
Though I believe the enemy is no fan of anyone who follows the Lord and he does try to distract, interrupt or destroy, as I grow older in the faith I’m less inclined to give him credit for much. If I believe God is sovereign (and I do), He is already aware of any foolishness the enemy is attempting. He knows about it and is allowing it.
No one can take God by surprise.
It’s all part of the whole omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent thing. He knows and sees all, from beginning to end. He is permitting the trial or the negative situation to occur. The focus for the believer should be on why He is. Don’t get me wrong. God isn’t orchestrating disease, despair or any terrible event. That’s still the enemy’s forte. What God does is let the circumstances unfold. He’ll use all things for the good of those who serve Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28 reference).
Sometimes difficulties are used to help build our faith. Think about it. It doesn’t take much faith to believe in a loving God when your world is running smoothly. But throw some curveballs in: an illness, a loss of relationship or a job, and so forth. Will your love for Him increase or decrease? Will you run toward or away from Him?
You may want to read the book of Job in the Old Testament. It’s the story of a man who had everything, lost everything and what happened next. It’s an interesting illustration. You may feel better about whatever you’re going through once you see what Job endured.
Some harvests have a bitter crop.
I encourage you to do a search on reaping and sowing in the Bible. There are a decent amount of verses on it. A similar worldly concept is karma. The biblical truth is we will eventually reap what we’ve sown. This can either bring comfort or act as a warning depending on what seeds we are currently spreading. If we want to reap a peaceful life, we need to sow peace. This requires being more of a peacemaker than a troublemaker. When I was younger, I definitely struggled with this. I always wanted peace, but I was the first one to stir things up if I felt so inclined. This doesn’t mean you should be a doormat and not speak truth, but it must always be delivered in a loving way.
The bottom line is what you are constantly putting out into the world and those around you will eventually return to you. I know this to be true because as I’ve sown negative attitudes or unkindness, it has come back my way. By the same token, as I’ve sown love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness, I’ve reaped all of that as well.
God is merciful, so we don’t always suffer the negative consequence for something we did. Thank you, Lord! But there are times He knows we won’t learn the lesson unless we experience the fallout. And so we reap a bitter crop. Hopefully, we learn and change our ways in that area so it’s not an annual spiritual harvest of tears.
Did you know you can partner with the enemy?
No one wants to think about this, especially if you love God. No way are you doing anything to help the enemy. But we may, unknowingly. If we are in a weak moment, or if we don’t stop and pray before moving forward, we can get sucked into something which seems good on the surface, but we later learn is not. I’ll freely admit I’ve been taken in by the enemy coming disguised as an angel of light (that’s straight Bible, look it up).
The thing about Jesus is He lived on earth as a human. He was tempted in all the same ways we are, but He never succumbed to those temptations. Can we say the same? I know I can’t. As we begin to compromise or settle we can find ourselves aligned with the enemy. If he can get us off track or distracted in even the smallest way at first, he’s got a foothold. And, sadly, he’ll keep chipping away at us until that foothold becomes a stronghold. Left to our own devices, we can fall apart quickly.
BUT GOD.
You know I brought the receipts. (Any and all bible verses, unless otherwise indicated, are from biblegateway.com NIV.)
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
God always has an escape route. It just might not be a pretty path lined with flowers. Obviously, it’s better to not get off track in the first place, but it’s such a blessing to know He’s there even if we do.
So is it the enemy or is it you?
I would say each one of us needs to ask this question in any given situation. If it’s a sudden attack of something, it may be difficult to separate and get alone with God right away to discover the answer. But when you have a moment, get with Him and ask the questions, “What is my lesson here, Lord? What would you have me do? Is there anything I can do to fix or change it? Was there something I did or am doing that’s causing or contributing to it?” And when all else fails and you have no words because it’s just too hard, try saying this:
Help me, Lord. I love you and I need you.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know. And let’s work a little harder on being in good standing with the person whose reflection we see in the mirror each day, even if she does have toothpaste on her chin…again.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
What Elephant? There’s No Elephant.
I begin this article with a confession. I have been butchering a common expression for most of my adult life. The correct phrase is to “ignore the elephant in the room”. As I’m sure you know, it means there’s some obvious uncomfortable or difficult subject everyone is aware of, but no one discusses. The elephant symbolizes that thing. Imagine an elephant in your living room. There wouldn’t be much, if any, room to move. It would be quite awkward. There’d be no way to disguise the fact you have a large animal in your room. Yet in this example, you pretend you don’t see it. In fact, everyone in the room acts as if there is no elephant despite seeing it with their own eyes, being squashed by it, and probably smelling it as well. And do not get me started on the gymnastic skills it would take to avoid its droppings.
One day I decided to start describing the elephant in greater detail. Don’t ask me why; I don’t know. I began referring to it as a big purple or pink elephant. Recently, I started calling it a white elephant. Yes, you read that right. I had now combined a holiday party game with an old adage. The funny part was as I would call it a white elephant something within me would pause and think that doesn’t sound right. But did I stop and fact check myself? Nope! I only learned of my silly mashup as I was preparing to write this piece. Better late than never, I suppose. But I digress.
How many elephants are in this room?
We’re just coming off the holidays where we probably spent an unusual amount of time with family and friends. The Christmas season is a wonderful time to make and cherish memories. It can also be a time of elephant stampedes. In my case, I sometimes thought Santa should just give his reindeer a break and saddle up the herd barreling through our home.
I may have mentioned this before, but I’ve never been a good liar. I can craft an elaborate, fictitious story, but I do not have a poker face and I’m just not good at lying. A lie never exists in a vacuum. It usually has friends. Perhaps I just found it all too complicated to keep track of, so I abstained. Sadly, my choice doomed me to a life without membership in my local Secrets and Lies Society.
I frequently struggle with ignoring the elephant in the room. This hasn’t always made me the favorite child or guest at parties and gatherings. How about you?
Do you see the elephant?
It’s not as if I charge into the room screaming, “Ladies and gentlemen! Step right up and see the elephant!” I’m slightly more subtle than that, I hope. I’m just usually unable to keep my mouth shut once that same elephant begins trampling everyone.
Confronting issues isn’t easy, but ignoring them doesn’t often help either.
Think about it. An elephant isn’t birthed fully grown, is it? It’s a decent size, but nowhere near it’s adult height or girth. I believe the same can be true with many issues or problems we choose to ignore. Most don’t start out quite so huge. But our continuing to dismiss them feeds them and they grow and grow until one day they’re taking up so much space it’s hard to be in the same room with them anymore.
Do we let the elephant take over the room or show it the door?
There have been many times I’ve wanted to kick that elephant to the curb. Problem was I needed backup to get that behemoth to go. Without at least one other person in the room as tired of the elephant’s antics as I was, it would stay and get even cozier. Sadly, it was me who often ended up leaving the room.
Don’t feed the elephants.
I’m certainly not suggesting going to any event primed for a fight or some kind of dramatic altercation. But being honest when there are offenses, hurts, or issues as they arise can go a long way. I understand this tactic may only work with people who hear you when you speak. There may be some who will misinterpret your heart and intentions. For me, it’s become a risk worth taking. If I care enough about the relationship then I owe it to myself and the other person to share. Keeping in mind the biblical verse of how love covers a multitude of sins (go look it up), I need to decide what to address and what to let go.
This isn’t the same thing as ignoring the elephant. In the case of letting it go, I’ve made a decision to not allow that minor offense or hurt to fester and become anything greater or more significant. I chose to forgive the person and keep it moving. If I cannot seem to get past it, despite time and prayer, then I may need to speak with the other person. This would be done quietly, privately, in confidence, and in love. I won’t come at them in an attacking or accusatory posture. This just puts them on the defensive. I want us to discuss the matter and come to a peaceful conclusion, if possible. I don’t want to add to the hurt. It’s always important to consider what your desired outcome is before you engage. This isn’t a guarantee you’ll get what you want, but I believe when you’re intentional, prayerful and dealing with someone with similar regard for you, it is possible. The conversation may be uncomfortable. It may get worse before it gets better. But one thing is for certain, if the problem isn’t addressed early, it’s highly unlikely to get better at all.
These are not easy practices to adopt, particularly if you’re accustomed to pretending nothing is wrong. But I believe we don’t do ourselves any good and may cause harm by not living honestly. I can only speak from my own experiences. There are some elephants who consumed too much of my time and relationships. I can’t get them back. But I can learn and not repeat the decisions of yesterday which allowed the elephants to thrive. Elephants are beautiful, majestic creatures, but they belong in the wild, not on your sofa.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
2022: How Did You Do?
Hey y’all. Please check out this promo spot for my latest video up on my Rumble channels. (Links are below. It’s all free and all for you.)
Kat Controversy: https://rumble.com/v22nnpo-2022-how-did-you-do.html
Kat and Andee Far From Normal: https://rumble.com/v22nif4-2022-how-did-you-do.html
As we get ready to usher in a brand new year, it’s the best time to look back over the current one and take stock.
Many may want to leave 2022 in the dust. Buh bye!! But sometimes we need to look back (briefly) to assess what worked (or didn’t).
In this video, I review resolutions past and present and gives some encouragement to everyone as we get ready to welcome 2023. I hope you’ll go check it out.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
-Kat
I Want To Be Merry Again
My last name is Merrigan. Legend has it that when our ancestors lived in Ireland people referred to them as a merry gang. Over time it evolved into Merrigan. Not sure if any of that is true, but it does make for a good story. One of my dear friends, since hearing this tale, says she wants to be merry again whenever she wants to see me.
As the holiday season is upon us, I desire to be merry again. I remember how much I loved this time of year as a child. All the twinkling lights brightening up chilly winter evenings, every store having fun displays and decorations, the terrific holiday movies, and let’s not forget about the toys. I don’t know about you, but I always had one special item. Each year I was certain if I didn’t get it I might literally die. I was a bit dramatic. The point is there was always a sense of hope, wonder, excitement and anticipation.
But then I grew up. The holidays became more about making lists and checking them twice or thrice, budgeting for extra gifts I now was obliged to purchase because someone decided at the last minute we were going to exchange. But we agreed not do to so at Thanksgiving! Ho. Ho. Ho. Have a holly, jolly.
My birthday is in early November. I find it odd whenever I see someone’s house fully decorated on or before that day. Truth is I think I might secretly envy them. Try though I may, I’m always late. I can’t seem to bring myself to start on Thanksgiving weekend, so before you know it, it’s December 21 and all I’ve got is a wreath on the door.
My place often has boxes scattered about filled with all the ornaments I am definitely putting up today. Yet these same boxes are there to greet (mock and torment) me the next morning. The funny thing is I love when my home is decorated. I’d have lights and a tree up all year long. And there have been a few times when I didn’t quite finish taking everything down until February or March. Haven’t you ever heard of a Valentine’s Day tree or a St. Patrick’s Day stocking? What’s the problem?
The reason my decorations may linger is because I can’t simply box them up and store them. I have very specific placements for each item. To the casual observer, it may seem a little obsessive. But come next year there is no greater feeling than knowing exactly where everything is. The old saying goes there’s a place for everything and everything in its place. I agree, yet the place where most of my things end up is in their neatly organized boxes, stacked along a wall in my living room.
The struggle is real. Between shopping, beautifying, visiting, cooking, and baking, it can be a bit much. We get so busy doing we forget to be in the moment and enjoy the season. This brings me back to the beginning of this article. I want to be merry again. How about you? What if we disconnected from some of the obligations and stresses? What if we chose instead to enjoy time with friends and loved ones? What if we focused more on family traditions and less on commercial extravaganzas? What if this season we didn’t schedule our lives right down to the last minute from November 23 through January 1? What if we baked some cookies, made some hot chocolate, got in the car and drove around looking at all the decorated homes? Sure there’s a very good chance there’ll be crumbs, and I’m almost certain to scald myself when I inevitably spill my cup, but still. And, yes, I realize if we’re getting in the car to drive around our neighborhood it demands at least some neighbors have their acts together and have their homes fully adorned. I never said it was a flawless plan, but it’s a start.
I guess what I’m suggesting is spending more time creating little memories. There’s such a build-up to the holidays, followed by a letdown when it’s all over. As you survey the wreckage of paper and boxes or perhaps after you’ve served the coffee and desserts, there’s a twinge of sadness that begins to creep into your heart. It’s almost over. It flew by again. Next year it’ll be different. Next year we’ll start earlier. Next year we’ll make more time. Next year…
Guess what. This is last year’s next year.
What are you doing differently? As for me, I’m choosing to be merry again. I’m focusing more on the people I love and making memories over anything else. If I play my cards right, I just might be able to parlay quality time into a home decorating party. Kill two birds with one stone. But not two turtle doves because that would be wrong.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
Tis The Season To Overindulge
It’s that time of year when we all eat, drink and spend more than usual. It’s this weird kind of sanctioned excess we’ve all agreed upon in society. Think about it. At no other time of year can you say, “I just spent $700 at xyz store” and the person you’re speaking with won’t bat an eye. In fact, they might even be impressed at the bargains you got.
The same rule can apply with regards to food consumption. Few (if any) people are noticing how that’s your third heaping helping of everything and you’ve already got your eye on dessert.
We also tend to overschedule during the holidays. The month of December gets booked up quickly with family and friend gatherings, work parties, and other festive occasions. Before we know it, it’s January 1st and the only thing lean and trim is our wallet.
Stop the sleigh. I want to get off!
After the holidays, we spend the next several months (or perhaps the whole new year) trying to get ourselves back on track. We start saving money again, hoping to pay down those large credit card bills. We vow to eat healthier and exercise more. We may scale back on going out, etc.
Truth is we can spend 11 months paying for just 1 month of excess.
Why do we do that to ourselves each and every year? Are there ways to enjoy the holidays and have fun without becoming completely undone?
It’s much harder to stay on a budget and keep balanced when you have small children. I remember when my niece was little she couldn’t wait for the Toys-R-Us catalog to arrive. (This was pre-online shopping, or as I like to call it the good old days.) She would devour it whole, circling all the items she wanted. I often thought it’d be easier for her to just highlight what she didn’t want. It would have taken less time. She’d return the book (now covered in circles and stars and must have notations) and then we’d all use it as a reference guide for shopping. The beautiful part about my niece was she was always grateful. Whatever present she got, she appreciated. She was also eternally optimistic. She firmly believed one day she’d wake up and find the entire contents of the store under her tree. She’s a grown woman now with a great husband and two lovely daughters, but she’s still waiting. God bless her.
For those of us without young children, we should be able to be a bit more disciplined. But we’re not. As I mentioned earlier, it’s this sanctioned excess or collective conscious, hive-like mentality. Must. Buy. Lots. Of. Presents. Must. Go. To. Every. Party. Must. Eat. All. The. Food.
There are certain items I only bake for the holidays because if I made them more than once per year, we might all end up in diabetic comas. My nephew nicknamed one dessert crack candy. It’s actually cracker candy, but I get why he started calling it that. You can’t eat just one piece. Ugh.
I suppose I could stop baking some of the goodies, but they’ve become part of our family traditions. And perhaps therein lies part of the problem. So much of what we’re doing is geared toward traditions and building memories. What would the holidays look like or be without (insert your example of excess here)?
OK, so maybe we can’t eliminate, but can we moderate?
My mother loved the phrase “everything in moderation”. I would tweak it slightly because everything is far too broad a category and leaves room for trouble. But I agree with the general sentiment.
A little planning and preparation may spare you some pain and frustration.
“Honey, I love celebrating Christmas! I love all the food, the sweets, the Christmas tree and the presents, but our bank account hates Christmas!”
If you’re like me, you’ve had weight issues for as long as you can remember. Regardless of whatever diet plan or program I was on, they all shared a common theme: plan and prepare. My Dad used to laugh at my sister-in-law and me as we’d sit around the table doing complicated math equations to determine how we could have one (or two) cocktails without going over our allotted intake for the day while ensuring those drinks weren’t the only things we ingested.
Having a plan or a strategy didn’t always work out. Sometimes we threw the playbook out the window and just indulged. But more often than not, we were able to have fun without completely ruining our progress. We felt so much better on those days.
Mindfulness may help reduce recklessness.
Simply taking time to acknowledge the potential for overindulgence in any situation is half the battle. Before you start shopping or go to the party or have that meal, think about it. What do I mean? For me, it’s imagining if I just eat whatever I want. I might feel fine (probably not). But I will definitely wake up the next day and not feel great. In the harsh light of morning, my decision to eat 17 Swedish meatballs the night before might not look the same. (Fun fact: I actually did this when I was a kid at my parents’ 25th wedding anniversary party. What can I say? Mom’s meatballs were amazing! But I digress.) My point is taking a few minutes in advance to consider if it’s worth it or not can be beneficial.
A classic example is food shopping when you’re hungry. This is something we should not do. Why? Maybe it’s because our cart fills up much more quickly when our stomach is leading the way. Next thing you know, you’ve spent $60 more than you wanted to spend. You were mindlessly shopping, driven by your hunger pangs.
My parents were big believers in making shopping lists whether for food stores, the mall, wherever. I often wish I emulated their structure more. It was never too rigid, but it did give boundaries and kept you focused. I have a tendency to wander up and down aisles. This is not an efficient strategy and often causes me to spend more than I intended. The worst part is I frequently leave the store without getting an essential item but with a dozen impulse buys in its place. Double ugh.
Think but don’t overthink.
Is this as much of a challenge for you as it is for me? I tend to overindulge in the thinking department, regardless of the reason or season. The struggle is real. I’m not suggesting going overboard and obsessing about all the possible what ifs. I’m merely suggesting a little advanced thought and preparation can help. Set a budget and do your best to stay within it. Set a limit of how much or how many of whatever.
Give yourself some grace and mercy if you still overindulge.
If you overdo it in an area, forgive yourself. Try not to repeat it again the next day, but don’t waste time beating yourself up over it. It happened. Forgive and move on. Learn from it and try not to duplicate the mistake. Let it be a one-time slip-up rather than a complete throwing in the towel moment.
You can do this! And because I can never leave you without receipts, check out the verse below. (Unless otherwise indicated, all verses are from biblegateway.com NIV, emphasis added.)
May he (the Lord) give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. (Psalm 20:4)
Perhaps this year Santa won’t be the only one with a list and we’ll all be on the Nice side. Well, at least you guys still have a chance.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
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