I’m Not Crazy; I’m a Christian
Kat Merrigan
Meditations and Maritime Mayhem
In this fourth episode of my light-hearted series ” A Funny Thing Happened”, I share an unusual meditation experience and a fishing technique that may make a big splash (and not in a good way).
Whether you laugh with me or at me, I’m happy because you laughed. Enjoy the following clip.
To view the full video, click here https://rumble.com/v4tsf16-meditations-and-maritime-mayhem.html
Bird and the Bees
Welcome to episode 3 in my new series ” A Funny Thing Happened” where I’m sharing silly, funny stories and anecdotes from my experiences out in this world. No, this episode isn’t “the talk”, but the content may be just as awkward and confusing. Here’s a clip. Link to the full video is below.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy. Whether you laugh with or at me, I’m happy because you laughed.
https://rumble.com/v4sju1c-birds-and-the-bees.html
Ladybugs and Laundromats
Welcome to episode 2 in my new series “A Funny Thing Happened” where I share stories from my adventures out in the wild (also known as our crazy world). How do ladybugs and laundromats intersect in my universe? Here’s a clip. Full video is available through the link below.
Whether you laugh with or at me, I’m just happy you laugh.
https://rumble.com/v4putuu-ladybugs-and-laundromats.html
Walmart Fires and Burps of Unknown Origins
I did it!
After a long break from filming, I cut together my first episode in my new short video series: “A Funny Thing Happened”. This ep is titled: “Walmart Fire and Burps of Unknown Origins”.
Here’s a clip from it. Full video is available on my Rumble channel: Kat Controversy (link below). Hope you’ll check it out. It’s all free and all for you.
https://rumble.com/v4on5d9-walmart-fires-and-burps-of-unknown-origin.html
Take Up Your Cross
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in His Father’s glory with His angels, and then He will reward each person according to what they have done. (Matthew 16:24-27, NIV)
Deny.
Take up.
Follow.
When this posts, it will be Holy Thursday, the start of a climactic ending to Holy Week in Christian circles. Thursday commemorates the Last Supper Jesus had with His disciples before He was betrayed and arrested. They were gathered for the Passover meal. Afterward, Jesus and several disciples went into the Garden of Gethsemane to keep watch and pray.
Jesus knew what was coming. He had even spoken openly to His disciples about it. They couldn’t possibly grasp that He would actually be arrested and put to death. But Jesus knew the gravity of the moment as is evidenced in the following verses:
Going a little farther, He (Jesus) fell with His face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.” (Matthew 26:39, NIV)
And being in anguish, He (Jesus) prayed more earnestly, and His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. (Luke 22:44)
Judas, one of his twelve closest disciples, arrives with armed guards and Jesus is taken away. I won’t go into every detail, because it is a story you need to read (more than once) to begin to understand. The bottom line is He is put through unimaginable torture and then condemned to death on a cross.
Good Friday honors that fateful time. Try and imagine Jesus beaten beyond all recognition, so badly wounded, His flesh torn off. Now He is ordered to carry His own cross up Calvary’s hill where He will be nailed to it.
The Bible speaks of how He falls multiple times during this arduous trek. In fact, the soldiers commandeer someone in the crowd to help Him carry it. All this time, many are spitting at Him, cursing Him. With each agonizing step, the soldiers are still whipping, kicking, and abusing Him.
He finally ascends the hill. But there is no relief. He is thrown upon the cross and nailed to it. Imagine nails piercing both his wrists and feet. They raise the cross; the pain continues.
Research what the human body goes through during crucifixion (only if you have a strong stomach). It is one of the most excruciating ways to die. It is slow and horrible. Once again, the mockers surround Him, jeering, spitting, taunting.
Yet in the midst of this unspeakable horror, Jesus says this:
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up His clothes by casting lots. (Luke 23:34, NIV)
Forgive them?
Even after all these years, that verse still gets me. Note the second part. He’s saying this as they’re gambling for the last remnants of His clothing!
Forgive them? Are you serious?
Deny.
Take up.
Follow.
For most of us, what we consider unbearable or the worst could never come close to what Jesus willingly endured to save us. Beyond the physical torture, He had to experience separation from God the Father for the first (and only) time in all eternity. As He hung on the cross, He represented the sins of humanity, our sins. God hates sin, so He had to turn away from His Only Son. Jesus was the final, perfect sacrifice, a ransom for many.
Are we willing to deny ourselves?
If you think about it, Jesus denied Himself when He agreed to take the weight of and punishment for our sins. He didn’t have to do it. But He loved us so much and wanted us to be reunited with God the Father above all else. Imagine someone commits a terrible crime and you go to jail on their behalf. Who does that?
I’m willing to admit I can be challenged with denying myself (and I don’t just mean not eating a snack because it’s too close to dinner). Denying yourself can mean putting aside what you want or what you believe you should have in preference to what the Lord wants. Spoiler alert: often what God wants is for you to prefer others and bless them. Sometimes the others are people who don’t treat you right. (I refer you back to the verse above where Jesus is asking God to forgive the very people who put Him on the cross!)
Believe it or not, there is something freeing and wonderful when we stop focusing on ourselves. If we’re constantly filtering life through the lens of what’s-in-it-for-me, we will never be satisfied. Have you noticed that? We can want something so much for so long. Then we get it, and we’re happy…for a while. There’s always another thing, whatever that thing may be.
What is your cross?
I’m sure I’ve written this before, but the walk of faith is not the easiest. The Bible speaks of it as a very narrow road. (Not giving you the verse here. Time for you to do some investigation.)
Everyone has their cross. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “It’s my cross to bear.” If we go back to the first verse in this piece, Jesus says we are to “take up” the cross. I suggest it means we are to choose, just as we actively choose to deny ourselves. We choose to take up our cross. Is the cross your commitment to Him? Is the cross your dedication to living a faith-filled life, regardless of what anyone says or does or whatever temptation comes your way?
This verse may bring some insight:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV)
(For reference, a yoke is a crosspiece made of wood placed over the necks of two animals and attached to the cart or plow they’re pulling.) Jesus is saying when we give up our habits, our vain pursuits, and worldly ways, we’ll still have work to do, but the heaviness won’t be there. Does this apply to our cross as well?
He is our example. We are to consider how He handled situations and do likewise. We are to seek His wisdom and guidance. We must carry the weight of living for Him and not according to the world. It may make things uncomfortable, especially as the chasm between what God approves of and what the world accepts grows ever wider. Common ground cannot exist. You must decide which side you’re on.
Will you follow Him?
The road is narrow. The way seems difficult at times. We may lose people, positions, and prestige. I assure you, nothing we give up serving God will ever compare to what we lose if we don’t serve Him. As it states in the first verse quoted in this article, “What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” Ouch. Imagine attaining all the success and reward this world can offer but losing your soul. Your soul is eternal. Your soul will live far beyond your physical body.
Temporary riches here mean nothing in the light of forever. There is no amount of money to buy your way into heaven. Jesus was the price paid. We celebrate His resurrection on Sunday. He died, was buried, went to hell, took the keys to hell, death, and the grave, and then He rose on the third day. He’s seated at the right hand of the Father forevermore. He’s not just sitting there; He’s constantly interceding on our behalf. One day He’s coming back.
Deny.
Take up.
Follow.
The choice is yours.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you.
-Kat
The Waiting Is The Hardest Part
Patience is a virtue.
Color me unvirtuous.
It’s probably fitting I chose a Tom Petty lyric for this week’s title as I might be sounding a little petty. But I like to believe I say (or write) what other people are already thinking. (We can debate whether that’s a good quality or not at another time.)
Did you ever calculate how much waiting you do in a single day?
Probably not because you have better things to do with your time. As a writer, I have the luxury (compulsion?) to observe everything and usually overthink all of it. Something trivial and dismissed by most will pop out and practically assault my senses until I obsess over it for the next day or year.
Here’s a short list I compiled, in no particular order, of some potential daily activities of waiting:
- Traffic lights/stop signs/railroad crossings
- Gas lines/drive-thrus/stores
- Calls/meetings with colleagues/friends/family
- Emails/texts from anyone
- Pickups/drop-offs (either as the driver or the passenger)
- Services
There are countless others. My point is none of us can avoid waiting. So, since it’s an inevitable byproduct of existence, why aren’t we better at dealing with it?
Perhaps you are that rare breed who is patient and handles waiting without much fuss or ado. What’s that like? I imagine it’s a calm and lovely mental state where you simply carry on with other interests or enjoy some downtime until your wait is over.
No one would use the word patient to describe me.
Unless, of course, it’s in the context of me seeking medical attention and being a patient in a facility. Other than that, I think you’d have a difficult time finding anyone who would use the adjective version as part of my description.
I know this is a shortcoming and it has certainly impacted my life negatively over the years. Because I have obsessive tendencies, I’m not able to just forget about something and easily pivot and shift my focus. I try. Believe me, I do. Sooner or later, however, my mind goes right back to that nagging question, “How much longer do I have to wait?”
In many situations, the question is quickly followed by my analysis of how it shouldn’t be taking so long and that if it was done my way it would be more efficient, and I wouldn’t still be waiting. (If that all sounds a bit prideful, you read it correctly.)
This is when the Holy Spirit usually gives me a gentle reminder to stop being so Judgy McJudgykins. I’m prompted to just relax. It’ll all work out. Just be patient.
Ugh.
There’s that word again. You would think being a person of faith, someone who believes in prayer, praise, and worship, this wouldn’t be so difficult for me, but it is.
I’ve asked the Lord to help me understand this behavior. I didn’t like the answer.
It’s difficult to wait because it means you’re not in total control.
Ugh.
The truth is we aren’t ever really in total control of anything. Even if it’s a strictly solo endeavor, there are outside forces (weather, health, finances, etc.) that may impact the situation.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I’m waiting, I get anxious. I’m not referring to times when I’m waiting for an order or something concrete and deliverable. I might get a little nervous if my online order is running late, but it doesn’t lead to anxiety.
It’s when I’m waiting for more important things (test results, publishing approvals, as examples) that I can get concerned. My imagination fills in the blanks. And I don’t know why my imagination is so negative. The worst-case scenario is played in a loop in my brain in vivid color. Sometimes it’s even in 3D which is really creepy.
Factor in a time delay to my already slightly unhinged mindset and it’s party time. Let the sleepless nights and unhealthy ingestion of comfort food begin. Wish my self-soothing leaned more toward salads than chocolate.
Waiting can be challenging because we don’t want to hope for the best or prepare for the worst.
If you’ve ever been disappointed (and who hasn’t), hoping for the best becomes harder to do. We have this horrible tendency to remember the disappointment and extrapolate that experience into new ones. Because we hoped for this and it didn’t happen, we can’t hope for that because it probably won’t happen too.
I know the Lord looks upon us in those moments with tenderness and love, encouraging us to simply trust Him for the outcome. And we want to do that. But there’s this evidence, this experience we’ve had getting in the way.
Sometimes we don’t get what we prayed for.
It may be a hot take, but it’s also the truth. It doesn’t mean God is cruel or that He doesn’t love us. I always refer back to Him being all-seeing and all-knowing. We are not. It may not make sense to us, but we are to trust He knows best and is working all things out for our good.
So, because I’m a woman of faith, and I don’t want to be a doubter, and though disappointment may have curbed my hope for the best, I won’t commit to preparing for the worst either. This has served me well at times, not so much at others.
I’m still finding the delicate balance. I believe the best thing to do is to acknowledge the potential for the worst without giving into it. In my case, it may mean realizing I may not get published in a magazine, but that doesn’t mean I’m done and should give up writing altogether. Now, when the rejections are piling in it’s harder to maintain that posture, but I’m getting there.
I encourage you to read stories of great characters from the Bible who had to wait and endure a lot before they received the promises God gave them. Stories of Abraham, Joseph, and David immediately spring to mind.
What I love about these stories is that each one starts with a promise and then the waiting. After a significant period of time (and, often, pain and trauma), someone decides to hurry the promise along by trying to make it happen. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work. In all cases, it usually creates new problems.
But what do you do when the waiting is no longer with expectancy but rather with despair?
You start out waiting hopefully, but time and stagnancy begin to chip away at your enthusiasm. I’ll use myself as an example. I was in prayer with the Lord about four years ago. I had dabbled in writing for years, but I felt it was time for me to dedicate my full attention to it. I was excited at the prospect of finishing a book I’d started writing 13 years earlier. I finally finished it and could call myself a published author.
I knew the writing world wasn’t easy, but I had staked my claim, and I wasn’t going to be moved. I believed God had more for me. As I’ve mentioned before, I know my writing is a gift from Him. And now we were going to work! Look out world!
Almost four years later, I’ve had some stories published in magazines and an anthology, but I have yet to experience the fullness. I’m still waiting. Rejections have recently grossly outweighed acceptances. I see an email from a publication, and I sigh before I open it. Preparing for the worst. The worst happens (rejection). I try to shake it off and keep moving. It’s not always that easy.
As a Christian, I believe there is an enemy who loves to sow doubt into our life. He enjoys these moments when I’m questioning my choices. I can hear him in my ear discouraging, belittling, telling me to give it up and just get a regular job already.
Do you ever hear that negative voice in your head?
I can assure you of one thing: that voice is NOT God. Will He correct and redirect us? Absolutely, but He will never make us feel awful and worthless. He won’t harp on our failures and shortcomings. He is gentle and loving. He wants us to succeed. The enemy does not.
I won’t lie to you. Sometimes it’s very challenging to stay on this journey. There’s a part of me that believes there’s this one project that will open all the doors. But which one is it? And when will it happen? Or is there even such a thing? Or is it just a series of ups and downs, one door opening at a time?
I have no idea.
I inquire of the Lord (meaning I get whiny and say something like, “When God? When?) Yet because He’s so amazing, as soon as I start to wallow and get my pity party of one reservation ready, He reminds me through song, word, people, or some other means to stay the course. Wait. Patiently.
You know how you learn patience?
You wait. And you wait. And you wait. And when frustration starts to rise up, you take a deep breath and wait some more.
I also suggest you put on some praise and worship music (helps drown out the negativity trying to overwhelm you). There are also plenty of verses to help encourage you. I’ll include a few below, but recommend you do your own search. (Any and all Bible verses, unless otherwise indicated, are from biblegateway.com, NIV, emphasis added.)
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope. (Psalm 130:5)
This verse struck me with its use of the phrase my whole being waits. Wow. I can never get my whole being to agree to do anything. Room for growth for me at least. And it cannot be emphasized enough how the Bible is a key to, well, everything.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. (Psalm 37:7)
This is one I need to reflect upon whenever I get stuck in comparison. That’s another game the enemy tries to play with you. He’ll make you doubt yourself and then reinforce that doubt by showing you how well others are doing and how you’ll never get where they are.
Have I mentioned he’s a fool and the father of all lies?
I’m going to leave you with this verse. Know that waiting is a part of life. It’s how we wait that can make all the difference. Just remember, we’re not waiting alone. He is with us through the waiting and wondering and wilderness.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;…” (Psalm 46:10)
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know. Remember, you’re not the only one waiting. With God’s grace, we’re both going to make it.
Look forward to hearing from you.
-Kat
Spontaneous Blog Or Can You Handle Interruptions?
To keep things fresh, and as a writing exercise, I decided to write my blog this week without any preset topic or idea in mind. Writers are observers by nature. We see something and we become inspired. Once inspired, we write. So, as I went through the last few days, I had to fight the urge to turn something I observed into material for this blog. This was not so easy, as everything is material.
Can you handle interruptions?
I don’t know about you, but I tend to be a planner. I do enjoy the occasional spontaneous moment or happening (strong emphasis on occasional). I prefer having my day mapped out ahead of time. As I get older, I also find having a daily agenda keeps me on track and helps insure I accomplish any errands or tasks.
I like lists. I like to check items off these lists. I like it when the list is done. In a perfect world, I would glide through my lists without a hitch or hiccup. Each item would be tackled without any distractions, interruptions, or sidebars.
In a perfect world.
But we don’t live in a perfect world. This means my agenda is sometimes altered. For example, I intended to write this blog on Tuesday and post it Wednesday. When Tuesday arrived, I found myself not feeling well and really needing to take the day to rest and recover. Not a huge deal, but still an unplanned deviation from my schedule. In this instance, I wasn’t too bothered because the intrusion was self-generated.
What happens when someone else creates the disruption?
It’s one thing for me to decide to change my plan, but when someone else is the author of that change, I don’t always handle it very well. How about you?
Don’t get me wrong, some interruptions are blessings. A surprise call from a friend, a sudden chance to spend time with loved ones, a last-minute decision to go somewhere can all be wonderful examples.
There are other interruptions, however, which can prove less pleasant. A couple of suboptimal situations could be you’re running late because you suddenly can’t find your keys, or a call stops the flow of the project you’re working on.
These kinds of deviations tend to take us out of what we were doing. They don’t usually add value. It’s an uneven exchange. If I stop a task to spend time with a loved one, I’m at least breaking even, or more likely, coming out ahead. But if I’m stopped to spend time looking for my keys, I consider it a net loss. Lost time looking for the keys and getting stressed out because I can’t find them, followed by a quick wash of relief when I do find them, followed by panic because I’m now running way behind schedule. Little upside. Net loss.
How would you handle if God upset your plans?
As a Christian, I’ve encountered this situation many times. Let me state upfront, God’s involvement is never for your detriment. I have to remind myself He is all-seeing and all-knowing. I am not. If He’s putting the brakes on something I’m trying to do, or if He’s redirecting me, it’s because where I was headed was not the best option.
Is it a good idea or a God idea?
I know this is a cliché, but clichés exist for a reason. There is a difference between our best plan and God’s for us. What do I mean? I’m so glad you asked. I’m a writer. I have a plan for this career, the arenas I want to share my writing, the different entertainment venues I may choose to showcase it. Sounds like a good idea, right?
What I’ve learned to do is not suppose my idea is the best one. Whenever I submit a piece to a publication for possible inclusion, I’ve learned to say a quick “your will not mine, Lord” as I click the submit button. To be honest, at first it was a bit more lip service than true declaration. I had a good idea that my story would be a great fit for a publication. A few weeks or months later, the rejection notice would arrive. After repeating the cycle of submit, hope, wait, rejection a few dozen times, I had a little chat with the Lord. The gist of that conversation was, “What’s going on?!”
I honestly believe my writing is a gift from Him. That’s not hyperbole. I pray before I begin writing anything. I believe His Holy Spirit inspires and helps craft my stories. So, if I’ve got all this on my side, why wasn’t any of my work chosen in the last month? This is usually when I’m reminded to trust Him in all things.
I won’t lie and say it doesn’t get frustrating. That’s when I need to remember my gift is not my own and I do want it to be used for His glory. With time (and lots of prayer), I’ve gotten a little better in this area. I’m now able to process the shift a little quicker. I soothe myself by saying, “That just wasn’t it.” I have to believe He knows what’s best and He’s leading me to it. I also have to remember He knows the beginning, middle, and end. I’m slightly more myopic, focused on the here and now. He sees the whole picture. He knows the right arenas, connections, relationships I should have to take this career where He wants it to go. It may be my hands on the keyboard, but His hands on the outcome.
I like my plans. But I love my God. And that has made all the difference.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you.
-Kat
A Tale Of Two Faces or How God Changed Everything
I’m not sure how to begin telling this story. How do you summarize 18 months of change and the miraculous in your life? No idea but consider this my best effort.
Let me begin by describing each picture. The first one was taken in late August of 2022. I was watching the movers put all my belongings onto a truck. You may consider it an odd time to grab a selfie, but I knew it was important to capture that moment. Not because it was a wonderful, joyful moment. Quite the contrary. It was, arguably, one of the worst days of my life.
I had lived in that apartment for 13 years. And now I didn’t have a home, in more ways than one. My parents had both passed. We were selling the family house. And I wasn’t sure where I was going or what to do next.
Have you ever felt so completely adrift with no clue where to start?
That was me. I couldn’t stay in my place, but I had no idea where to go next. My original plan was to move south where I have family. But I wasn’t ready to go all that way just yet. Thankfully, I had loving family locally who put me up (and put up with me) for a few months as I began my home search.
After trying, unsuccessfully, to find a place down south, I moved out of my family’s home and into a friend’s. I can’t tell you how humbling that whole season was. I had lived on my own for about 25 years. Now I was relying on the kindness of loved ones for a roof over my head.
There were days when my greatest achievement was taking a shower and making my bed.
Have you ever been there? Where simply having energy to do the most basic, fundamental functions is monumental? I enjoyed walking and running, so I forced myself to keep that routine in place. Yet every time I was in my car driving to my favorite park, I would cry. Now, I’m not talking a sniffle or shedding a tear or two. It would wash over me like a tidal wave. Gratefully, I wasn’t sobbing to the point where I couldn’t see, but sometimes it was close.
I was holding onto my faith by a thin, thin thread.
I knew God wasn’t punishing me or anything, but I couldn’t help but wonder why He was allowing me to be in this position. Again, I had been self-sufficient for decades. I wasn’t used to relying on other people. I wasn’t used to living with other people. And I wasn’t used to not having my own things around me.
With every move, I would take smaller versions of my personal belongings. And I began to feel as if I would never be whole again. Perhaps this smaller version of me was all that was left.
I was studying this picture recently. It brought me back to that time, but not in a bad way. I wasn’t overwhelmed or depressed by it. In fact, it was almost as if I was looking at somebody else. The woman in that picture was angry, hurt, grieving, lost, confused.
After several months, I realized it wasn’t time for me to move south. I also realized I couldn’t afford to live where I was any longer. My friend who I was staying with was so gracious, but I certainly didn’t want to overstay my welcome. I needed a plan.
But I had no plan. And, quite frankly, I didn’t want to go with my own plan anymore. I wanted the Lord’s plan for me. This change in my mindset hadn’t come quickly or easily. I had planned to move south. I believed it was the plan. Then I started looking for apartments, or rather I engaged a realtor there to help me. And nothing happened. I’d be interested and put my name in, and…nothing.
Rejections came fast and frequently. I had never had this experience finding a home. In the past, it was rather effortless for me to find a place to live. As a Christian, I don’t believe it was luck or happy coincidences. I have always believed it was the favor of God.
So, was I no longer blessed? Had I used up all my favor?
I know now how silly that sounds. God’s love, grace, and mercy is infinite. He often blesses us in spite of what we do or don’t do. It’s never about us. We can’t earn His love.
As I prayed and thought more about it, I realized perhaps my plan just wasn’t aligned with what He wanted. Maybe I was supposed to be somewhere completely different. Speaking with a dear friend, my sneaking suspicion was confirmed. Without me telling her what I’d been thinking, she asked me if I was sure I was supposed to move down south. At the time I answered, “Yes. Of course.” But I wasn’t 100% certain any longer.
I tried to dismiss that conversation, but it wouldn’t leave my brain. She’s a prayerful woman of God, so when she doubted my plan, I had to take that into consideration.
I visited another dear friend who had moved out of my state some time ago. We had a wonderful visit. She lives in the country, lots of trees and rolling hills. It’s a 15-minute drive to the heart of town, and it’s surrounded by a beautiful lake.
It was here that my journey took an unexpected turn. She graciously offered me the studio apartment on her property. I had stayed there several times over the years when I would visit. It was furnished and cozy. It was a chance to have my own place again. My furniture and bulk of belongings would remain in storage, but it would be my little spot.
I accepted. Once again, I loaded up my car with my traveling circus of stuff and headed to my new place. I was very grateful for the upgrade. Little pieces of myself started coming back slowly. It was an interesting time, because I was independent again, but not truly settled.
There were growing pains adjusting to my country mouse life. I struggled with periodic bouts of loneliness and boredom. I see now it had less to do with where I was and more about how I was.
I had spent so much time moving around that when I finally stopped and stood still, I sort of fell apart.
This was the strangest thing of all. Here I was in a peaceful, new place. Why was I sometimes feeling almost as terrible as when I first moved out of my home? The Lord had blessed me. Why wasn’t I happier?
I see now it was because there was so much I hadn’t processed from the past several years. Now that I was in a safe, secure place, all that I had repressed or pushed aside was coming to the surface.
I wondered why the Lord would bring me somewhere beautiful to let me feel awful.
I see now it was necessary for me to deal with a lot of pain before I could move forward with purpose. God wasn’t trying to hurt me. He was helping me heal. He knew I couldn’t hold on to past hurts or keep reliving painful experiences. He needed to, like a surgeon, go in and cut out the cancer in my spirit. It may sound hyperbolic, but I know it’s true. I couldn’t avoid the past. I needed to get past the past, if you will.
We can move on while we’re healing, but it’s extremely hard to move on without healing.
Don’t get me wrong, there were still tear-stained pillow nights. There were still days spent lying in bed because I just couldn’t get myself out of it. But, over time, there were less. It was a process. There were good days and bad days. And sometimes there were worse days. As I began to lean closer to Him, spending more time in prayer, reading the Bible, and worshipping, the tide began to turn. More of His presence helped me forgive and unburden myself of the heavy load He never asked me to carry.
This brings me to the second picture. It was taken recently after I had just settled into my new, three-bedroom apartment! I will never forget the day the movers brought my furniture and belongings into my new home. I flashed back to the day when everything was taken away. But now here I was standing in awe at the miracle of God’s ability to turn it all around in my favor. I have felt such joy and peace as my friend and I decorate the space. I’m playing a lot more praise and worship music, singing and dancing like I haven’t in far too long.
For a while I had been glad my stuff wasn’t near me. The memories were too painful. Now, I’m excited to see the end tables that were my aunt’s, or the dining room set that was my parents’. The memories are now sweet without a trace of bitter.
The best part is that God orchestrated the whole thing!
I had been in the studio for about a year when this opportunity presented itself. Once again, I didn’t have to strive or seek it out. It was effortless. The Lord simply blessed me with it. So, what else can I do but dedicate it back to Him and pledge to use it for His glory. It’s an upstairs apartment I’ve lovingly nicknamed “The Upper Room.”
As I look at the second picture, I recognize her. She’s the me I’ve become. She’s content in a way like never before. See, she always believed and trusted in the Lord. But the last 18 months stretched that faith and took trusting to a whole other level. I couldn’t fix it myself. Believe me, I tried. Yet when I surrendered to Him, that’s when things began to change.
I’m sharing my story to give you hope. God is not a respecter of persons. What He’s done for me He can do for you. I didn’t make it happen. I’m no better than anyone. He’s just greater than everyone.
I won’t be so prideful to say I’ll never struggle again. That’s hubris and foolishness. What I know is He. Is. Faithful.
If you’re in a low place, feeling lost or confused, I understand. I mean it. I know what’s it like to just want to give up. I know what it’s like to want to numb yourself. I know what it’s like to shut down. I know what it’s like to feel angry, frustrated, discouraged. I know what it’s like to feel like it’s unfair and you don’t deserve what’s happening to you.
I get it.
More importantly, God understands.
So, let my story encourage you. For a time, in the natural it seemed like I lost everything, including my smile. But. God. It didn’t happen for me overnight. It took time, starting, stopping, standing, falling, crawling.
But it did happen.
Restoration is possible.
Healing is possible.
Peace is possible.
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
Believe in God and in His Only Son Jesus today. That’s the first step.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you.
-Kat
Spiritual vs Spirit-filled
“I’m spiritual.”
You may have heard someone say that phrase, or you might have used it at one time or another. This week we’re going to discuss if there is a difference between being Spiritual and being Spirit-filled. (Spoiler alert: there is.)
Here endeth the lesson. Thanks for stopping by. Catch you on the next blog.
Just kidding (except about the part where there is a difference between the two terms). Let me preface this piece, as I do often, by stating I’m a resident expert on absolutely nothing. Once again, what inspires and informs my writing is my faith and my experience, and biblical truth. Whew, glad we got that out of the way. Now, let’s get into it.
This week’s topic was inspired by a recent sermon I heard. The speaker didn’t labor the point. He simply stated being spiritual and spirit-filled are not the same because being spiritual allows you to be open and vulnerable to all kinds of spirits. Being spirit-filled (in the Christian world) means you are filled with the Holy Spirit.
I wrote a piece some time ago on how the Holy Spirit is our superpower. And it really is. For clarity’s sake, let’s begin by providing the biblical definition of the Holy Spirit. (Any and all Bible verses, unless otherwise indicated, are from biblegateway.com, NIV, emphasis added.)
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. (Ephesians 4:30)
If the Holy Spirit can be grieved, meaning hurt or pained, this means the Holy Spirit is not an it. The Spirit is alive and is not a thing. It is a person (not in our traditional sense, but nevertheless we cannot refer to it as an animal or a thing).
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. (Romans 8:26-27)
Have you ever been in a situation where you just didn’t have the words?
I am so grateful for His presence. When I am at a total loss, when anger, or suffering and sadness is trying to overtake me, and I can’t find the words, the Spirit is there. He is interceding and moving on my behalf.
But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, He shall testify of me: (John 15:26, KJV)
In this verse Jesus was preparing His disciples for His death and resurrection. He is assuring them that though He will no longer be with them on earth, He’s sending another who will dwell on the inside of them and be their Comforter, Guide, and Teacher.
What does it mean to be spirit-filled?
I’m so glad you asked. In Acts chapter 2 of the Bible, it describes what is often referred to as the Feast of Pentecost. It is a moment when the disciples are gathered together, praying and worshipping when suddenly a sound like a mighty rushing wind sweeps through the room and tongues of fire appear over each person’s head. They begin to speak in different languages as the Spirit prompts them. This event signified the indwelling of the Holy Spirit to Jesus’s disciples. People outside heard them and were amazed because the disciples were speaking fluently in languages they had never been taught. They were speaking the native languages of many in the crowd. This didn’t make any sense because how could the disciples do that?
The Holy Spirit, that’s how.
This is certainly a dramatic occurrence in biblical history, but it is a fraction, a minor demonstration of the power of the Holy Spirit. How do I know? Because the Lord blessed me with His Spirit over 25 years ago. In my case, there wasn’t a flame over my head or anything as exciting as that. It happened during worship in a Sunday service. I had been asking the Lord, and He answered. How did I know? Because I started speaking a foreign language. Which one? Couldn’t tell you. What I do know is that the more I let the words flow freely, the stronger I felt, the more connected I felt to God, and the more my worries and cares began to melt away.
And that was only the beginning.
Since then, I’ve witnessed the Holy Spirit move in and through my life. From discouraging me from making bad decisions (I didn’t know were bad in the moment), to encouraging me to speak to someone or share something God had on His heart for them. There is no greater moment than when the Holy Spirit prompts you to say something. After you overcome the initial fear and anxiety, it’s awesome to watch the person react (most of the time). What you say may not always be received as you’d hoped. But more often than not, it’s a beautiful exchange. Regardless, you walk away knowing you listened and obeyed. You did your small part.
You may not believe me, but there have been times where I knew something about someone when there was no earthly way I could have known it. The Holy Spirit showed me or told me something. I just knew it.
It was more than a feeling or a vibe. It was deeper than that. If you haven’t experienced it yet, it’s hard to describe. I apologize. The bottom line is your life completely changes for better once the Holy Spirit is on the scene.
Does the Holy Spirit fix everything?
Well, there is our pesky free will always at play. We can choose to ignore the leading of the Holy Spirit and do as we will. I certainly don’t recommend that, but I’m not so prideful as to act like I’m not guilty of choosing my plan over His. Gratefully, with time and experience, I’m learning and choosing His way more than mine. The Holy Spirit may lead you to uncomfortable places. You may have to endure sadness, frustration, loss. We’re not immune to the ups and downs of life. But He’s the only way to get through it and know peace in the midst of chaos, calm in a storm, joy in the morning after a night of weeping.
If you consider yourself spiritual, doesn’t that mean you’re open to the things of God?
Well, I would answer that with a yes and no. Yes, because you believe in a spiritual realm and have made yourself receptive to it. No, because there are other spirits in that realm who do not serve the Lord. In fact, many are working overtime to interfere with the plans of God for His children (you and me).
Let’s back up a little and start by agreeing there are two realms: natural and spiritual. As I wrote in an earlier piece, the two realms are not mutually exclusive. They intersect. We can be influenced in the natural by activities in the spiritual. When I asked the Lord to send His Holy Spirit, for example, I intersected the two realms. Now, I in the natural world have the Spirit (from the spiritual world, obviously) living inside of me.
The two worlds are not as far apart as we like to imagine. The Bible speaks of many angelic visitations and other breaches between realms. (You need to look those up for yourself. Blog 76 rules.)
The main difference between any spirit other than the Holy Spirit is that He is a gentleman. The Holy Spirit doesn’t invade and take over. He is waiting for your invitation. He respects your free will. Other spirits are, let’s just say, not so accommodating and gracious.
As you do certain rituals, poses, meditations, etc, ask yourself, “Who am I connecting with? Who am I giving access to?” Answers such as: “mother earth, the universe, my inner self,” and so forth can be problematic. I know, that’s a hot take. I’m Kat Controversy; it’s what I do.
Your willingness to be open to anything may lead you nowhere good.
Some may say, “Well, I’m thinking about God when I do (fill in the blank), so that makes it OK.” Again, I have to give you my yes and no answer. Is God some ethereal, intangible being? Or is He the Father of the universe, Maker of heaven and earth, Lord of all. Is He a part of the Holy Trinity, the Godhead of Father, Son (Jesus), and Holy Spirit, or just some old dude sitting on a cloud somewhere? If you meditate on scripture and the goodness of the Lord, then you’re in a good place. If you’re doing certain poses and rituals with origins in worship to other gods, then I have to strongly advise against it.
I know this might not be easy to hear. My goal isn’t to offend. But it is to educate. Being spiritual isn’t enough. In fact, it might work against you rather than for you. Because you may be innocently dabbling in the spirit realm, but those who dwell there do not play around. And there is only One who will not play with you. There is only One who will care, comfort, love, guide and protect you.
Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and ask Him for His Holy Spirit today. You won’t regret it. Promise you.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you.
-Kat
Be Humble, Help Others Not Stumble
Let me preface this piece by stating something I’ve declared in nearly every one of my 75 blog posts. (Did you catch the subtle flex in that sentence?) I am a resident expert on absolutely nothing. What I carry are over 25 years of working out my salvation with fear and trembling. I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes and am eternally grateful for God’s mercies being new each morning.
My belief is that during my lifetime I have learned some things. It is these few bits of knowledge and understanding I wish to share with you. It is a blessing to have this platform to discuss these issues.
This week’s topic may prove a little prickly. Please understand, when I write I may be sharing a message, but it’s for me as well. Typically, I’ve already been faced with that lesson or nugget of truth or am dealing with it at the moment. My topic selection is often predicated upon a personal trial, situation, or correction.
Bottom line: I’m not above any of the corrections, adjustments, or changes I may write about.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we can dive into this week’s topic. I was inspired to write about it as I’ve come across a lot of Judgy McJudgykins in the faith-based community. My focus here is on those who proudly declare themselves believers yet seem to spend an awful lot of time trying to get the speck out of someone else’s eye while ignoring the log in their own. (Bonus points if you know the Bible reference for that analogy.)
Buckle up. Told you this subject might prove prickly for us.
I believe I’ve written previously how the majority of negative comments and feedback I receive from my blog or other posts usually come from “christians”. (Yes, in case you were wondering, the lowercase c was deliberate.)
I follow several celebrity accounts on social media who each state they believe in Christ. I don’t believe in deifying anyone, but we should support anyone working in Hollyweird (the belly of the beast, IMHO) who dares use their platforms to even utter Jesus’s name in a non-blasphemous context. I would argue most of us in the real world have no idea how oppressed and downright demonic the entertainment industry is. Though recently it does seem as if they’ve taken off any veils and are proudly and overtly promoting evil. But I digress.
In 2024, unfortunately, between increasing censorship and algorithmic selection and suppression, most of us are finding it more challenging to reach our audiences with the good news of Jesus. I daresay, however, these few actors and actresses I follow take more risk than me every time they talk about their faith, mention the Bible, encourage prayer, etc. Why? I’m so glad you asked. Currently, if I post something the powers-that-be don’t like, I don’t have a lot at stake. My job is not, at present, in jeopardy. My circle of family and friends already know what I believe, so I’m not likely to be ostracized or canceled. But for the celebrity? Unless they’re sheltered working with a faith-based studio or production company, they have more on the line to lose with each Jesus post, right? (This theme holds true for athletes and musical artists, as well. I merely chose to focus on actors/actresses for this piece.)
Imagine working your whole life toward a goal. You finally make it, and you want to thank the One who helped get and keep you there, and you’re told to stop.
Think about it. All those days and nights, all the auditions. All the callbacks that went nowhere. All the callbacks you didn’t even get. You grind it out for years in bit parts and cameos that are more like walk-ons. You keep going. You keep hustling because you know God gave you a gift. You can’t imagine doing anything else.
Then it happens. Your big break. Suddenly you’re an overnight sensation except few people know that overnight was the last 12 years of your life. But you’ve made it. It must be a heady time. The only way you can stay sane and deal with fame and all its trappings is to press in even more into the faith that’s been sustaining you all along the way. You realize the Lord has made it all possible. He opened the doors no one can shut for you in His perfect time. You’re so overwhelmed with love and appreciation for His goodness, you want to tell everybody. And now you can because you have a platform. So, you get on social media, or you sit down for an interview, and you give God the glory.
And it all goes nuclear.
Calls come in from your agent advising you to tone it down a little. Media interviews are edited to delete your potentially triggering ideas. And the comment section is blowing up!
Some get the message and suddenly become a lot less vocal. Others do not. My hat goes off to anyone who continues to be bold in the face of that pressure. Again, I’m not deifying anyone. They’re not my idol. But I think we should respect and encourage them. Show them some support. Not trash them in the comments.
But what if someone is saying or acting in a way that isn’t pleasing to God?
OK, I’ll agree with you there are times when I read something or hear someone speak and I know it doesn’t completely line up with the Word of God. But the rush to immediately vilify and disqualify the person is where I take issue. And, truth be told, I’m sure I’m not acting in a way that’s pleasing to the Lord at least once a day, but maybe I’m the only one?
For keyboard warriors quick to go off and correct when you believe someone’s wrong, are you as quick to encourage them when they get it right?
From my personal experience, the ones who can’t wait to school me and show me the error of my ways never seem to be around when I post something pure like a scripture verse or prayer. Why not? You have to call balls and strikes, people. Are you my unsolicited editor? Are you always reading my content, but only commenting when you find fault with it?
Are you as quick to bring edification as you are to bring correction?
Let me state again, this message is for me too. I’m not exempt from falling into the trap. Of course, if we read or see something that doesn’t line up with the Word, we want to fix it. If we love the Truth, we don’t want to see it twisted or compromised, even if done innocently.
But I believe it’s the way we go about delivering the message that matters. First, are we praying and asking God before we hit a keystroke or say a word? Perhaps it isn’t your job to tell so-and-so they got it wrong. Maybe it’s your job to pray for them instead. Maybe instead of publicly commenting and embarrassing them, you’re meant to send a private message with your concerns.
A huge problem I see, particularly on social media, is that when we get into these online battles, all we end up achieving is justifying to a non-believer why they shouldn’t be a part of the faith.
A healthy, respectful discussion or debate can be beneficial. But attacking, mocking, or disparaging one another helps no one and does nothing to further the kingdom.
If you’re not speaking Truth in love, what are you doing?
Are there times where someone might need a firm word, a strong correction because of what they’re doing? Absolutely. But more often than not, it is the gentle word that will pierce the heart and persuade.
I know I’ve had to acknowledge that sometimes I was being prideful in my approach. Someone said or did something completely not in alignment and I swooped in to fix them. But how dare I think I’m somehow better than that person simply because I didn’t make their mistake (this time).
I guess my point in all of this is to never forget the love. I’m not suggesting you ignore or permit what the Bible says we shouldn’t. A fair dose of compassion mixed in with the correction, however, goes a long way to help be and bring the change.
The fact is we all make mistakes. We all stumble. It is only by God’s grace that we get back up. Don’t believe me? Excellent. You know I brought receipts. (Any and all Bible verses, unless otherwise indicated, are from biblegateway.com, NIV, emphasis added.)
Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. (James 3:1-3)
“Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect…” Do you know anyone like that? I mean other than Jesus Christ. I don’t. Just saying.
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. (Romans 14:13)
If you read some of the verses around this one, the Apostle Paul was using an example of if someone believed eating a certain food was a sin, even if you know it isn’t, don’t eat it in front of them. For me, this verse can apply to many areas. The Bible tells us to prefer one another, esteem others more than ourselves. The true Christian life (note the capital C here) is always about humility, preferring others, supporting others, building others up so that the Body may be whole.
For anyone getting ready to rebuke an actor or actress for the projects they choose, “You call yourself a Christian?” “How can you play that role?” “Why do you do blah blah blah?” Take a minute and consider your own ways.
For anyone getting ready to correct another believer, “What were you thinking?” “You know that’s a sin.” “You need to repent.” Take a minute and consider your own ways.
Correction may need to be made. You may be the one to bring it. But if you’re not operating in love, with wisdom, understanding and discernment, be careful. You just might stumble yourself. And wouldn’t you want a gentle, strong hand there to help pick you up?
My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble. (Proverbs 3:20-23)
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you.
-Kat
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